Ask Kim: I Don’t Like Anal

Dear Kim, 

I am a 24-year-old gay guy and I don’t like anal sex. At all. I have tried topping and bottoming but neither is enjoyable for me. It’s not that I’m ashamed of my butthole either. I like other butt stuff, like rimming and vibrators. I just don’t want anything inside it. 

I don’t think I’ve ever talked to another gay guy that doesn’t like anal at all. It feels like it’s a requirement for being gay or something. Is something wrong with me? Are there other people out there with the same preferences? 

Thank you, 

Not a Butt Guy 

Dear Not, 

 While anal sex is a very common practice among gay men, you are by no means the only person who feels this way! I encounter a growing number of gay guys who identify as “sides,” as opposed to a “top” or a “bottom.” They enjoy things like oral sex, mutual masturbation, and sex toys, but are just not into anal.  

Everyone’s sexual preferences are highly individual. Some people have unusual fetishes; other people prefer one specific sexual routine and stick with it. If it is enjoyable and safe, and consensual for all involved, even the strangest thing you could possibly dream up is a perfectly OK way to have sex. Just remember: you never, ever have to do something you don’t want sexually. Don’t let another person pressure you to do something you’re uncomfortable with. 

Your sexual preferences may change over time, too, and that’s fine. Maybe someday you’ll give anal another go and like it; maybe you will never ever like it and will prefer to stick with oral sex only. It’s all good, as long as you and your partner(s) are comfortable. 

Be well, be yourself. 


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